Five Things That Never Happened to Tifa Lockheart
by Supremia
Summary: This never happened, but some of us wish that it would've. Some shoujoai content, AU.


A/N: I've seen this all over the place in non-anime/non-videogame fandoms, so I decided, "Hey! I want to try that!" And here we are. I might turn one of these into a longer story, or incoporate one of the ideas into one of my other stories. Oh, and naturally, there's shoujo-ai in this. 

**Five Things that Never Happened to Tifa Lockheart**

**1: pianist**

The hum of the old coffee maker does nothing to dull the sound of her music; in fact, it seems to accenuate it, the cool gray of cigarette smoke, amateur poets reciting to their companions, basking in the applause. She's since learned that real artists don't pander to the crowd, they don't ask for applause, it just happens. It's a sponteneous event, like a cloud burst in the middle of a sunny day, a sudden blast of heat, a rising wave in the ocean.

This lonely venue isn't a place where money, old or new come a-calling either, so when the strikingly beautiful, if heavily made up woman saunters in, flanked by men in blue, everyone takes notice. She makes a beeline for the piano, and Tifa catches the playful, predatory gleam in those baby blue eyes.

"Scarlet," she purrs, and when Tifa offers her hand, the lady in red brings it to her lips, a fleeting, branding gesture. "I've heard some things about you, Miss Lockheart. I like what I've heard. I have a job for you."

"I don't do that kind of work anymore, Miss Scarlet." One of the men in blue raises an eyebrow, but Scarlet seems unperturbed.

"Mmm...well then," Scarlet smiles and kisses the fluttering pulse in Tifa's wrist, and she is rendered speechless, for a moment. "I suppose I'll just have to work on convincing you then. I don't mind. I like brunettes. And Scarlet is fine, dear." Her smile widens. "Calling me 'Miss' just won't fly when I'm seducing you, now will it?"

Tifa likes blondes, and men, but she decides it's best to keep her mouth shut. She wants to see where this will go.

**2: here's your goddamn mother**

Whoever this guy is, he looks like Sephiroth, and she's very displeased he's getting back up, like she hasn't just flung him in the air and thrown him viciously into a row of church pews. This is stupid, what she's about to do, but this bastard is chatting away on his cell phone, like what she just did was the equivalent of a five-year old girl beating at Bahamut with her toy doll, and not a legitimate, mighty display of strength.

So what she's doing, it's stupid, but her feet are moving already, and she can't really stop running once she's started. The silver-haired bastard's eyes widen in surprise, but he recovers quickly, smirks at her, and she knees him, _right there_, as hard as she can. From the strangled gasp he makes, and the look on his face, she can tell he's not getting up any time soon. It's a cheap shot, but he looks like Sephiroth, so she supposes it's okay, just this once.

Marlene trots over to her, and before she picks up the case full of Materia, she glances at the man writhing on the ground in pain.

"Jackass," she mutters, and Marlene blinks in surprise at the language, but she's too irritated to care about proper etiquette at this point.

**3: baby, i wish i could quit you**

Aeris doesn't like wearing black, she doesn't like the five-thousand gil dress, she doesn't like the jewelry, and instead of screaming at her, Tifa simply gives her a level look. She speaks calmly, the flower girl has been agitated lately, and she doesn't want to start a fight again.

"You'll blend in a little bit better. If you want to come with me, you'll need to look the part."

"I hate black."

Tifa plays with loose strands of her own, raven-black hair, and stares at Aeris.

"I like it on you," the other woman quickly says, "I just..."

"Is it the cut of the dress?" Tifa blinks and picks up the fabric, letting it pool in her arms like water. "The slit is a little high." She makes a face. "That must've been Wedge's doing."

Aeris considers this, and shakes her head. "No, it's just the color, Tifa. It's so...morbid."

"It's intimidating. All of my associates wear black, my agents wear black, and I wear it. We're known for it."

"Well," and at this, Aeris glances up and frowns. "I'm not an agent, and I'm a little bit more than your associate at this point, right?"

"Right. You're right. I'm sorry." She's backpedaling, no fights, no arguments, her head hurts and damn it all to hell if she isn't losing time, fucking around with this woman's wardrobe. Time is money and money is power, at least that's what Biggs likes to say.

"Can I wear pink?"

"Absolutely not, I told you that already."

"Fine..." She's pouting again, and Tifa is hit with the urge to kiss her senseless, but she's trying to negotiate right now, and she's learned that making out with Aeris does not constitute a negotiation.

"Okay, okay." Tifa sighs and runs a hand through her hair. "I have an idea."

The next morning, Tifa is dressed in black and Aeris in pure, virginal white, and when Biggs makes a not so subtle joke about the questionable color, she waits until Aeris is gone to punch him in the face.

Aeris would fuss over him, and she doesn't want her to stain the dress. It wasn't cheap, after all.

**4: let me sleep**

A dare, that's what the boys called it, and she's not the most popular girl around, everyone avoids her and Cloud would never notice her unless she did this dare, which seems more like a death sentence, now that she's actually doing it, but the smile he gave her, the slight squeeze of her hand: "You can do it, Tifa, I know it," that was enough to make her sleep in a million haunted houses. It's not like her dad cares anyway, he hasn't cared about much since Mom died, and she needs someone to care, anyone, even if it's just a bunch of snot-nosed losers who follow around a beautiful, blonde-haired boy with a smile like the sun.

The floorboards creak, even though she's making quiet, soft, cautious steps, and for a moment, she's afraid that the floor is going to give in under her weight, so she moves quickly, scampering clumsily through the rooms until she stumbles upon an old, dusty piano. She taps on the keys absently, frowning a bit when she realizes it needs to be tuned, and a couple of notes are missing, but she manages to belt out a tune anyway, and after a while, she's humming, singing to herself and the rats and god knows what else hiding in the dusty old mansion.

There's an awful, scraping sound behind her, and she freezes entirely, her hands trembling slightly. Then, she hears a giggle. She's too frightened to turn around, but the air soon becomes filled with a thick, pink miasma, and she has to bring her sleeve up to her mouth to keep herself from inhaling it. The first giggle turns into two, then three, and now there's a chorus of high-pitched, strange giggles, all around her, and she's too terrified to scream. The pink mist is clouding her vision, making her dizzy, and the last, fleeting thought she has is that she is going to die over a stupid dare because of a stupid boy.

Suddenly, there's a gunshot, then another, and the giggling turns into sharp shrieks that cut off abruptly. The mist fades away, but she can hear footsteps, and she's shaking uncontrollably now, trying not to cry.

"What are you doing here?"

Tifa turns, slowly, and is momentarily struck dumb by the sight of the hauntingly beautiful man in front of her. "Um..."

The man does not look pleased. "'Um' is not an answer."

"I...there was this dare, and um...then I decided to sit down here and play the piano, and...um, did you save me?"

The man blinks, tilts his head, and frowns. "You play very well. Now, get out."

Tifa does so without hesitation.

**5: what is a hero?  
**

Her bags are packed, and she kisses Denzel's forehead, gives Marlene a hug and is unsurprised when she doesn't return it.

It still hurts though, a little.

"I'm sorry, hon. I just...you know, I can't stay here anymore."

"You're leaving us," Denzel quietly accuses, rubbing at his eyes angrily with the back of his hand. Marlene turns away and crosses her arms.

"I'll visit," she whispers, surprised at the catch in her voice. "I promise. There's a nice lady that's going to take over here, for now. Her name is Elmyra. You remember Elmyra, don't you Marlene?" When the girl doesn't respond, she sighs. "Come on, sweetheart. It's just...you know how Cloud is always leaving?"

"Yes," Marlene murmurs quietly, her back still turned.

"Well, he has to do that sometimes, and now it's my turn. It's not because...it's not because I don't love you, or Denzel or any of the other children, because I do, and it's not because I...it's not because I don't love Cloud. It's because, sometimes people have to go places on their own, to see things, to understand things about themselves."

"I don't get it," Denzel says, his hand on Marlene's shoulder.

"Yeah, it's a little hard to understand." Tifa smiles and stands to her feet. "But I'll write, and I'll answer all of your calls, I promise."

"You will?" Marlene turns to face her. "Even if it's really late at night?"

"Yeah, no matter what time, I'll answer. And if I can't, I'll call back. And I'll be back, one day. Don't worry. This is my home too."

Marlene considers this, then hugs Tifa tight around the waist. "Okay. Promise you'll be home soon?"

Tifa glances away, and then gives the children a bright, false smile. "I promise." It's a lie, but she doesn't want to make them upset.

----

It's raining again, in Midgar, and Tifa's umbrella provides little protection against the wind. Her suitcase rolls behind her, the sound mingling with the louder, city noises, car horns and yelling and the rumbling cars and trucks. She considers going back to the orphanage, to the warmth and the rare joy of Cloud's smile, but she steels her resolve and marches forward.

Perhaps she did not strike Sephiroth down herself. Perhaps she did not reverently lower Aeris down into the water, but does that mean she is less of a hero, that she doesn't deserve the memories? She loved Aeris too, they all did, and it's not fair, it's not fair that Cloud hoardes that sadness, it's not fair that he is the only one that is allowed to behave like he's lost someone, that he's the only one that gets to shut people out.

She's tired of being selfless. A single, crystalline raindrop falls into her palm, and the warmth of the sun signifies the end of the storm. She thinks of this warmth as Aeris, smiling down, not just at Cloud, but all of them, her comrades and the entire world.

_I believe in you, Tifa. Keep going, okay?_

She smiles, and walks into the sunlight.

----

**A/N:** I was really hoping that Tifa would just kick Loz in the nads at some point, because one of the silver-haired men needed to get kicked in the nads(except for Yazoo, who is my Advent Children boyfriend) but I forgot that she's, well, a lady, and ladies only have slapping fights, they don't kick men in the nads.

It would've been awesome though. She didn't even get a rematch.

Feedback is much appreciated.

_Supremia_


End file.
